I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
there is glitter all over my balls
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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