RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
