My hair reeks of homosexuality.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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