the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
