A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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