to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
