I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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