You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
