they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
