if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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