I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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