He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
