If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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