I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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