I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
