I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
