I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
