so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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