is your mom at the bar?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
