I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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