My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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