Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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