Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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