420 ftw
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
