Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
