i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
