The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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