The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
