As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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