So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
