i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
