I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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