if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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