i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
