I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
