she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
