that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
