Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
