I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
