the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
