So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
