you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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