Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
