I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
