we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
