"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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