he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
