i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
