Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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