oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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