you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
